So there I was, right smack in the middle of Stop & Shop, trying to find tea bags, because of course they have to redo the store every few years just to make sure you spend more time in there wandering around because you can’t find anything – and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The realization that I was never going to see my mom or my dad here in this life again. It slammed me. I don’t know why exactly, but it came like a tsunami and stopped me in my tracks. I told myself I must be eating too much soy, because sometimes that can make me more susceptible to bouts of sadness. But I really don’t think that’s what it was. I think it was just everything catching up with me and realization setting in. And it really doesn’t surprise me that this moment would take place at Stop & Shop. My mom and dad met me and the kids at the grocery store quite often. My dad would always take the youngest one in his cart, and my mom would make herself in charge of harassing the older ones whenever they would try to cut loose and go off on their own. It was actually very helpful, whether I had one child with me or all four. It definitely broke up the monotony.  So when these memories started flooding in, I did what any menopausal grown woman would do, I started snuffling and getting all teary-eyed in the middle of the grocery store. I walked up and down the paper towel aisle a few extra times, trying to pull myself together. (have you ever noticed there’s hardly ever anyone in the paper towel aisle?) It’s kind of funny, because the same thing used to happen to me after my grandmother died. When I was in the grocery store, I would suddenly envision how my grandmother would be in the store, in her green raincoat with the green knitted hat that was stuck on her head with a hairpin. I could picture her coming down the aisle to show me something. I guess maybe that’s when you notice a loss the most, when you are just doing the mundane things of life, and then all of a sudden someone who is usually around while you are doing these mundane things is gone. And it can be heart-wrenching. So many people will talk about how they will miss so-and-so at the next big event, like a wedding or a graduation. And I’m sure that’s very true. But sometimes you miss them even more when you are doing something as simple as going to the store. So I guess now I have a choice – I can either go to a different store that’s not such a trigger for me, or I can try to smile while I remember how excited the kids would get when they spotted my mom and dad in the store. Especially in my dad’s later years, when he would be driving  the handicapped cart and backing it up so it would beep.  Like everyone says, I will always have the memories, even if I don’t have the people.